I found a new grey hair today. It seems since I turned 40 they’ve been multiplying overnight. You can only see them if I part my hair in the middle instead of on the side. I’m not sure what makes me look older—my normal side part or a center part that allows the grey to shine through. The last time I went to my hairstylist, I showed her the last one I had found. “Do you see it?” I pointed to where I knew it was hiding. “It’s right there!”
“It’s beautiful!” she replied. “You’re getting wisdom highlights!”
Good gracious I love her.
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I turned 40 last year. Yup, that’s right. In 2020.
My best girlfriends had planned to take me to New York City to see things I had never seen before. That trip was going to be the first time in all of my 40 years of living that I ever took a trip just with my girlfriends. That trip was going to change my life.
Instead, I celebrated at home. 40 came and went. Like it was just any other day.
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I had my well-person checkup a few weeks ago. After a line of questioning to ensure I was in a safe home and not having suicidal thoughts, my doctor moved on to her next point of business—the breast exam. As she felt around my boobs she reminded me how important it is to keep an eye on them myself. “Now that you’re 40,” she said, “let’s get you scheduled for a mammogram. Early detection is key, so it’s important to have it done sooner rather than later.”
I chuckle in my head at her choice of words here. “Let’s.” Like she’s going to go with me and hold my hand as my boobs are smashed by some machine. I don’t even know what happens at a mammogram—but I know it won’t be “let’s.” It’s all up to me to get this thing done.
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Today I finally made an appointment for my mammogram. And I found a new grey hair. Somehow it doesn’t feel fair that the fun of turning 40 never happened, but the adulting part must go on.
Maybe next year I’ll take the trip that will change my life. For now, I’ll put on my sexy panties and embrace my wisdom highlights.
This post is written in response to prompts from 40 Days of Writing the Everyday with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs.
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