BEVERLY, Massachusetts — When a local writer began homeschooling six years ago, she assumed it would only be for a year or two. As time went on, however, she fell in love with Charlotte Mason’s philosophy of education. By the time her oldest daughter was seven, she thought she’d homeschool her two girls until they went off to college. But in recent months, a storm of doubt has appeared on the horizon.
“I’ve always loved the slow lifestyle homeschooling allows,” Crystal Rowe, 41, told reporters. “We used to lay around in our pajamas until eight or nine every morning. My kids played quietly with toys or games I left on the coffee table, and I journaled while drinking my morning cup of coffee. We could go on field trips any time we wanted.”
They had a great routine going until several months ago, when the family brought home their first pet — an Australian Labradoodle puppy named Leonardo Dawg Vinci. Now her mornings are consumed with making sure the puppy doesn’t get into any trouble. Any books or toys left on the coffee table become destroyed, so her two daughters have taken to hiding in the homeschool room playing with Legos or painting with watercolors. The dog hates being in his crate, so it’s even hard to take field trips. “Although he is very cute and loads of fun, he’s also a ton of work. Our lessons are continuously interrupted and I constantly feel distracted,” Rowe said. “I’m just not sure I want to do it anymore.”
The season of doubt began long before the puppy arrived, Rowe’s husband reported. “This is a conversation we’ve had several times in the last year. The puppy may just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.”
At first, Rowe’s husband questioned homeschooling. “I don’t want our kids to be weird,” he used to say. Then he realized how much they were learning at home. “Through just her reading to them and their discussions, they see the world in a different light.” Now, knowing the work of homeschooling falls on her, he provides input, but respects whatever decision she makes.
When the pandemic first hit in March of 2020, Rowe’s husband, like many Americans, worked from home. “It caused quite a shift in our routine,” Rowe said, “But we finally found our groove. After several months of him being home, we were able to free up time for me to pursue a dream of my own.” So in January 2021, Rowe returned to writing after a ten-year hiatus to stay at home with her two daughters. But the balance of time writing and homeschooling, as well as other household responsibilities, has not been easy for her.
“We are committed to reassessing every year to make sure homeschooling is still working for everyone, but the last two years that wasn’t on the table. The pandemic made school the last thing on my mind,” Rowe confessed. “Homeschooling absolutely worked for us—and tales of pandemic education made me not think twice. But as we emerge from isolation, I’m noticing my kids feel more lonely than they used to.”
Each Spring, the family talks about their plans for the upcoming Fall. Every year, Rowe asks her children if they want to try school. Every year, they have said no. But this year, both girls have expressed a slight interest in going to school in the fall.
At first, Rowe felt overjoyed. “If my kids go to school, I’ll have a good chunk of time everyday to myself. I can write! I can do part-time ministry consulting! I can keep my house clean, keep up with the laundry, bake yummy things. Maybe I’ll actually find time to get in shape,” Rowe laughed.
But after a day or two, she began to feel overwhelmed with the idea of sending her kids to school. She believes the education they get at home is better than any they’d get at school, for many reasons, but especially because of how personalized it can be.
“Homeschooling is one of my greatest joys,” Rowe reports. “I love reading with them and watching their brains soak up the material. I learn so much through teaching them, and I don’t want to give that up.”
When asked, Rowe’s ten-year-old said she thinks going to school will allow her more time with friends. “I love being at home with my mom and sister, but I want more teachers. And I want more time with friends.”
“I feel like I need to honor her request and at least explore the possibilities,” Rowe said. “I take pride in incorporating their opinions into our family life, and I want them to know I hear their requests.”
Knowing her children won’t live with her forever, Rowe oscillates between feeling confident that homeschooling is the best thing for their family and wanting the time to pursue her own dream. Rowe says some days she thinks she’s only doubting homeschool because she’s exhausted by all the work the puppy brings. “I’ve had showers of doubt before,” Rowe said, “but the clouds always pass. We don’t expect adults to be in a large room filled with peers the same age for seven hours a day, so why is school set up that way? I want my kids to have friends, and other teachers, and even a bit of structure. But a full day of school feels like too much.”
“On the other hand,” she continued; “Maybe I finally believe I can be more than ‘Just Mom’ and am ready to outsource education to someone else. I’ve always asked if homeschooling was working for them each year. What if homeschooling isn’t working for me anymore?”
That’s a question Rowe isn’t sure she knows the answer to. Parts of it are working. And parts of it are not. “My mind and heart are so unsettled,” she stated. “I have more questions and doubts than I do answers. At this point, the storm of doubt is raging. We’re investigating options, but we have no clear exit strategy.”
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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Breaking News".