Rain: A Nonet Poem

Last year, my kids and I participated in a Read Aloud Revival Writing Workshop where we learned about the Nonet poetry form. A nonet is a nine-line poem, where each line has an extra syllable. The first line has one syllable, the second line has two, and so on until the ninth and final line has nine syllables. I played around with the form myself. After all, there’s no better way to teach our kids than modeling what we’d like them to do!

Rain
pouring
flowing through
gutters Iike blood
coursing through my veins
carrying oxygen
vital nutrients and life
to parched and neglected soil
preparing the ground for better days

Photo by Anna Atkins on Unsplash

Seven Steps to Cure Loneliness

1. Say hi to a stranger on the church pew. When you lose the phone number she gives you, spend hours searching for her on social media. Bravely send her a message and set up a lunch date.
   

2. Send a text to your college roommate, whom you haven’t talked to in years. Tell her you are thinking of her. That you miss her and wonder if there’s a way to reignite the spark between you.
   

3. When you wake one morning jolted from a dream about a friend you haven’t talked to in years, send her a note. “I had a dream last night and you were in it. I miss you. I hope things are well.”
   

4. Send a direct message on Instagram to a woman you went to college with, but barely know. “I’d love to be friends in real life,” you can say. “Would it be okay if we shared phone numbers?” 
   

5. When you receive a text from a high school friend apologizing for something that happened twelve years ago, respond graciously. Say thank you. Forgiveness and grace are beautiful things. Life is too short to not accept them.
   

6. Go on hikes. You never know when you might run into that person who has been following you on social media. When you do, you’ll hug each other like you’ve known each other forever, and you’ll become fast friends.
   

7. Don’t be afraid of disappointment. Sometimes people won’t respond and your heart will be broken. Other times you’ll end up with the best friends you could ever imagine. You never know the outcome when you take the first step, but if you never take the step, you’ll increase your chances of being lonely forever.

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "With a Little Help".

P.S. Exhale is open for enrollment until September 30. Are you a mama striving for creativity? If so, this may be just the place for you to find your spark!

Where We're Reading This Month

I had so much fun with last month’s photo essay on where we’re reading that I thought I’d do it again this month. Here’s a glimpse at where (and what) we’ve been reading lately.

Towards the end of August, we said farewell to all of our visitors. While very sad to see them go back home to Georgia, I did enjoy the return of routine and quiet in the house. I made a cup of coffee, frothed some milk, and sat down to finish This is How It Always Is for my book club.

Early in the month we took a trip to Concord, my favorite town in all of Massachusetts, and found this adorable little used bookstore, where we read about castles and whatever other books we felt like picking up off the shelf.

We started our new homeschool year right around the same time the weather started cooling off, so we’re doing a lot of reading and narrating on the back porch. The Courage of Sarah Noble is the first Literature book for my third grader. Sometimes I’ll read it aloud to her and listen to her narration, other times she’ll listen to the audiobook and narrate to her iPad.

We’re also doing a lot of reading on the couch of the spare bedroom we’ve designated as the “School Room.” The fifth grader and I are reading The Witch of Blackbird Pond for American History and are learning so much about New England culture in the process. She prefers to narrate upside down.

Every morning, they wake up and eat a bowl of cereal while they read. One has just about finished the Wings of Fire series and the other is in the middle of reading every Betsy & Tacy book she can find.

When Queen Elizabeth died, I was ashamed of just how little I know about the British Monarchy. I searched my shelves for books I own that might help me understand how the monarchy came to be and made quite a large stack of books I’d like to read sooner rather than later. I’m starting with London by Edward Rutherfurd.

Leo (and Autumn) really love reading Our Island Story and learning about the history of King Charles I. Sadly, most everything I know about British History I’ve learned through teaching my kids.

With September comes the start of fall activities, which means we’re spending a lot of time in the car. While my oldest is in a dance lesson, the youngest and I read about Benjamin Franklin.

Then she did her math lesson while I read I Will Always Write Back: How One Letter Changed Two Lives. I can’t remember where I first heard about this book, but it’s quite a delightful read.

I was elated to discover the local library stays open until 8pm two days a week, which means I can hang out and read until time to pick up the youngest at gymnastics.

One night, when feeling particularly overwhelmed with the busy state of our family calendar, I ignored all the to-dos on my list and took The Long Devotion to the beach. I’ve been reading this very slowly since April. I kept putting it down because it hit too close to home and stirred up too many emotions I just didn’t want to handle. But I made it my priority this month to finish it. And it met me right where I was, in all of my confusion and despair and wonder if I could really mother and homeschool and write all at the same time. Mama writers, I highly recommend. 

D has had to go to the office several times this month, so we’re doing a lot of reading on the living room couch while the puppy naps by the fireplace. We finished The Magician’s Nephew this week, while one kid crocheted and the other worked on a paper castle.

Sometimes homeschool life is really hard, but sometimes it’s glorious. Like those days when it’s nearly perfect weather, so you pack your books and head to the local castle by the beach for a picnic lunch while quietly reading I Will Always Write Back, Betsy-Tacy, and Heaven to Betsy.

Fall weather has blown in and I am loving wearing yoga pants and cozy sweatshirts while reading The Moor’s Account.

Tell me friends … Where — and what — are you reading this month?

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***Did you know if you buy a book through one of my links I get a tiny bit of money? It’s just one tiny way you can support my work.

On The Threshold

She stands on the threshold,
bare feet on rocks;
cap on cranium, 
hands on hips, 
baby in belly,
toddler secure on the sand.

Waves lap at her shins, 
cooling off her torrid skin, 
calling her to go deeper;
waves like the placenta
keeping her baby safe inside.

She walks to deeper water,
leaving her toddler at the shore;
allowing cool water to envelop her,
letting the ocean protect her,
giving her strength to carry on.

Photo by Timothy Meinberg on Unsplash.

Favorite Taco Recipes

A few months ago I shared my love of tacos in my good friend Rachel’s newsletter in response to the writing prompt: What Recipe Defines You? [Did you miss it? You can find it in June’s Raise and Shine Letter.] I’ve been thinking about my favorite taco recipes ever since, so I thought I’d finally compile them all and share them with you on the blog. 

Do you have a recipe that defines you?! Please do share in the comments below – I can’t wait to hear about your favorite recipes!

Tacos for Breakfast:

I am a savory breakfast lover, so this Crispy Egg and Singed Kale taco goes on repeat for breakfast whenever I’m lucky enough to get kale from the farm. My kids don’t love it, but I don’t care—that just means more kale for me! The hot sauce on the top is key. Frank’s Red Hot is the best, in my opinion, but any of your favorite hot sauces will do. 

If you run out of kale, you can always make Bacon, Egg and Cheese tacos. I like to cook my bacon in the oven at 400°. I don’t preheat; I simply put my bacon in the cold oven then turn it on. When the bacon is crispy, I take it out and drain on paper towels while I scramble some eggs, mix in everyone’s favorite cheese, and then wrap it all up in a flour tortilla.

These Breakfast Burritos are pretty fantastic too – and they freeze beautifully. I used to send them with David when he went to the office every day. 

Tacos for Lunch:

These Easy Tostados aren’t tacos per se, but they are inspired by tacos. They are easy to make and delicious to eat. If you don’t have leftover chicken, you could use any leftover meat (see the carnita recipe below) or cooked beans.

These Chilaquiles have saved me many times when I open the fridge and don’t like anything that I see. I love them for breakfast, but they make a wonderful lunch too. 

Chicken Taquitos are an ultimate favorite in my house. They can take a little bit of time to prepare, so I like to make a huge batch and freeze them one weekend day. Then I can pull a few out and pop them in the toaster oven for an easy lunch any day of the week. 

Tacos for Dinner:

While you still have an abundance of corn and zucchini, make sure you try these Charred Corn Tacos with Zucchini Radish Slaw. I had no idea vegetable tacos could taste so good.

Technically any of the recipes above would also be amazing [and easy] for dinner, but I like to make fancy tacos for dinner every once in a while. Sweet potato and black bean tacos are one of our favorite fall and winter meals. Cut sweet potatoes into small cubes, toss with olive oil and taco seasoning, then roast at 450° until they begin to get crispy and dark on the edges. Toss them with some black beans (or whatever cooked beans you have in your fridge), put them in your favorite tortilla, and top with cheese and other toppings (or eat them as-is). My kids ADORE these tacos and I love how easy they are.

These Cauliflower Tacos are another fall favorite. Are you catching on here? Basically, you can roast any vegetable and put it in a tortilla with some beans and cheese and you have an instant winner at the dinner table.

On the next rainy day, make these slow-cooked carnitas. I’ve made them with pork and with beef brisket. You can’t go wrong with either. The leftovers make excellent nachos, or the chilaquiles or taquitos I linked to earlier. You could even turn the leftovers into a BBQ sandwich if you (gasp) wanted something other than Mexican.

And my ultimate favorite fancy version of a taco is this Vegetarian Taco Torte. It’s beautiful. It’s easier to make than it looks. And it is absolutely delicious. 

A few other favorite resources for making amazing tacos:

We buy 90% of our beans from Rancho Gordo. They have a dramatically different taste than any canned or dried bean you can buy at the grocery store. I highly recommend them. I also like to buy heirloom beans from local farms, but I still prefer RG. We do, on occasion, eat canned beans, but tacos are never as good as they are with RG beans. 

I buy McCormick Taco Seasoning in bulk and basically use it any time I don’t know what to make for a meal. Sprinkle it on any vegetable or meat, throw it on the grill or roast it in the oven, and you have almost-instant taco fillings. (I have made my own taco seasoning, but in my opinion McCormick is the one that tastes the best.)

I didn’t link to any enchilada recipes here, but they are another way I can get my kids (and husband) to eat anything. Anytime I have a bunch of stuff in the fridge that I don’t know what to do with, I mix it with cheese, wrap it in tortillas, and smother them with this easy Enchilada Sauce. It never lets me down.

Scrap Up: A Reflection

I spent a week in Asheville, North Carolina this summer to participate in a food seminar taught by Lauren Winner at the Glen Workshop. One day, I had the honor of participating in an activity called visio divina. The instant I saw Scrap Up by Amelia Bennett, I knew it had something to say.

I sit on a bench and stared at the quilt hanging on the wall. The plaid shimmers in the light, inviting me to Come, sit. Stay a while.

I love its imperfections. The curves where you expect straight lines. The seams in the middle. The uneven binding securing it all together. It is these slight imperfections that make it unique. 

I close my eyes and see it lying on a rolling field of grass. Filled with people. Cluttered with sandwiches, bags of chips, tupperware filled with grapes and berries. There’s no silverware or dishes–it’s all finger goods on a hot summer day. Cold fried chicken. Huge chunks of watermelon. 

The edges are littered with shoes, tiny socks, a roll of paper towels. A small cooler sits on one corner, holding it down in case of wind. The shade of a large magnolia tree covers it in its entirety.

I’m reminded of picnics we had when I was a child. Sitting at a city park, with our white bread sandwiches. On an old blanket thrown on the ground; surrounded by family and friends.

I wonder about the family that sat around this blanket after it was first made. In an instant, I’m transported to my own memory: Stone Mountain on the Fourth of July. Blanket after blanket lies on the ground; each family making their own memories. As they share food together, they talk about the things they notice. The birds chirping. The train horn. The kids leave the blanket to put a penny on the track, to watch it be smashed as the train rolls by, and then back to the blanket they go, new treasure held tightly in their hand. 

Several years ago I made a similar picnic blanket from various pieces of material I had lying around. I’d love to put my quilt next to this one and compare. They are functional quilts. Not meant to be sentimental or art; they are meant to be used. To lay on the dirt and soak up the spills. 

This is the kind of useful quilt every family needs. The one you throw together hastily from whatever material you find. Hand stitched from old clothes. Tattered and torn. Washed over and over again. Signs of a life well loved.

When I put my own picnic blanket down, whether it's mealtime or not, there’s an expectation that there will be food involved. It’s a ritual of sorts. We come together to nourish our relationships. And also our bellies. One is inevitably connected to the other.

At a picnic, no one really cares what’s on the blanket. What design, what fabric, how it’s pieced together. My kids somehow eat anything I bring to a picnic. Maybe it’s because I put an inordinate amount of thought behind what I pack, but I can’t help but wonder if they actually care about what they are eating. No one sits around a picnic blanket critiquing the food. 

We watch the clouds. We look for birds. We play frisbee or Spike Ball or read a book.The picnic blanket is home base. The food an activity that wakes up our senses and pulls us together. The food only matters as a means to share conversation. 

This quilt has its stories to tell. My quilt has their own stories to tell.

What picnic stories do you have to share?

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Where We’re Reading This Month

I loved this photo essay from the New York Times showing people reading outside. It made me start thinking about all the many places we read as the month goes by. Here’s a glimpse of where (and what) we’re reading this month.

Where (and what) are you reading this month??

Technically this one was from the tail end of July, but I’m sneaking it in here anyway. I got an entire week away from my children to do nothing but eat and read and think about food and faith and do a little bit of writing in between. I even got to meet the author of Soil and Sacrament. The whole week was a dream and I want to relive it over and over again.

August began on the road. Fourteen hours in the car meant I blew through The Cartographers in record time. (5 of 5 stars. Highly recommend!)

Right about the time we learned we all had Covid, the dog got neutered. Books have been my sanity this month. Even if it means I have to sit on the floor with a sick dog in my lap to read Lessons in Chemistry. (Also 5 of 5 stars. Best book I’ve read this year!)

The one plus side to the entire family being quarantined together? There’s lots of time for reading on the porch.

“Mama, I’ll help you this morning. I’ll read poetry to Leo while you make breakfast. Maybe he’ll like my favorite pancake poem.”

As soon as quarantine was over, we hit the beach. I tucked The Song of Achilles into my beach bag.

There have been many hours reading on the couch this month, holding the dog’s leash so he didn’t jump or run.

I’m not sure what Leo hated most, his surgery suit or being forced to “say cheese.” He did enjoy Black Beauty, though.

I brought Joan to the beach and read while the girls collected rocks one cloudy afternoon.

I also did some calendar planning while we were there. That’s reading too, right? I mean, there are books involved…

She was in the car no less than thirty seconds after gymnastics when she picked up her Wings of Fire book and began reading. I’m not even sure what book in the series she’s on right now…

When the temperature finally fell below 90, I kicked the kids outside for the day. When I brought them a freshly-baked cookie, I discovered them all outside, in the shade, reading The Miscalculations of Lightning Girl, Tuesdays at the Castle, and Story Thieves.

Somehow even if it’s 85-degrees on land, you need a sweatshirt at the beach in August while you read your book club book: This Is How It Always Is.

My sister told me she wanted her daughter to read more. I brought her to Massachusetts and took her to the beach. She tucked The Miscalculations of Lightning Girl in her bag. “I just can’t put it down!” she said.

The weather has finally cooled off for the year, and I’m spending every moment possible on the back porch. I might actually finish Joan by the end of the month.

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***Did you know if you buy a book through one of my links I get a tiny bit of money? It’s just one tiny way you can support my work.

The Baking of a Dream

Several months ago, Literary Mama invited readers to experiment with writing fiction in response to Sara Dutily’s essay, Daily Bread. Always excited to write about sourdough, I cooked up this short story.

The smell of freshly baked sourdough bread wafts through the neighborhood streets. Pushing her double stroller up the cobblestone alley, Maeve pauses every few steps, confirming her two-year-old twins are still buckled. Last week they learned how to unbuckle themselves and they’ve been escape artists ever since. The toddlers gabble in a dialect only they understand and Maeve wonders if they’ll always share this language of their own. 

Maeve stops in front of a simple cape, freshly painted blue with a steep gabled roof and a brick chimney sprouting from its side. The aroma of bread is vivid in the air. “Okay girls, we're here.” Her twins hop out as if performing a magic trick. They clamber up two uneven steps and turn to Maeve with toothy grins on their faces. “We did it, Mama!” 

“You did it!” Maeve replies; smiling as she rings the doorbell. Hattie answers the door wearing her favorite apron. The twins barrel inside, running straight to the playroom to find Hattie’s kids. 

“Come in!” Hattie opens the door and rushes back to the kitchen. Maeve giggles at white handprints slapped on the rear of Hattie’s black pants. The kitchen floor is covered with flour dust. Bannetons nestled into produce bags are lined up on the kitchen counters, waiting for their turn in the oven. Bowls with sourdough starter stuck to their sides tower out of the kitchen sink.

Maeve rests on a barstool at the counter. “Well, this is it, Hattie. Today your dream comes true.” Hattie pours two cups of coffee and plops herself on the stool next to Maeve. She inhales the steam rising from her mug and sighs at the sight of the mess in her kitchen. Hattie’s been baking sourdough bread for more than twelve years. What started as a hobby became the one way she indulged herself after becoming a mom. Even when her babies were just weeks old, she continued to bake bread. When her oldest turned three, a dream to open a neighborhood bakery sprouted in her mind.  

Hattie shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe it’s really happening.” She takes a deep breath. With an audible exhale, her shoulders relax. For the last year, she’s filled out paperwork, applied for licenses, read everything she could find about starting an in-home bakery. Two weeks ago she hung her first sign: “Fresh Bread For Sale. Call Hattie. Delivery available.”

“I didn’t realize how energizing this would be.” Maeve eyes Hattie suspiciously as Hattie continues. “It’s exhausting, yes. But my heart feels more full than ever before. It’s like a piece of me was missing before I made this dream my reality. Thank you for being my first customer.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Maeve nods her head, noticing Hattie’s eyes start to glisten. “Your bread is the best in the state. I’ll be here every week.” Maeve stands, leaving her coffee cup on the counter; “Now, what can I do to help?” 

Summer Reading List [2022]

For several years now, I’ve made seasonal reading lists. The change in season lends itself to a change in focus. At the start of each season, I gather around my bookshelves and pull off the ones that call my name. It’s my time now, they whisper, as I read the titles on the shelf. While I have an intentional thought process behind my Fall, Winter and Spring reading lists, Summer reading is mostly a free-for-all.

What books sound fun right now?

In Summer, I tend to choose lighter books. Books I can read while being interrupted a gazillion times with calls for sunscreen, splashes from the pool or ocean, puppy attacks, or kitchen timers signifying jam is done. I choose books that I don’t feel an urge to book dart every other page.

I make my summer reading list in May, which is the beginning of warmer weather in New England. I look at Reading Lists from Modern Mrs Darcy and The New York Times, then I glance at my shelf to see what I already have on hand. Inevitably, books get added along the way; from cute little bookstores on vacation, library book sales and lucky day shelf, the Target book aisle, and monthly Book of the Month selections. By the end of Summer, I’ve usually read two handfuls of easyish books.

We’re now at the Summer mid-point, so today I’m sharing a glimpse of what I’ve finished—and what’s left—on my Summer Reading List.

What I’ve Read So Far

Book Lovers by Emily Henry—🌟🌟🌟🌟

A fun and easy read. It’s perfect for vacation with friends and family when there’s lots of chatter and not a lot of quiet time. I liked Beach Read better, but I have no real complaints about this one.

Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder—🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I cannot stop thinking about this one. It was strange, but the audiobook was fantastic. Yoder portrays just how difficult it is to be a mother and an independent woman at the same time. This story awakened parts of me that have been dormant for many years. I found myself saying, ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ over and over again as the story progressed. The main character—who interestingly doesn’t have a name other than ‘Nightbitch’—is an artist who has set her career aside to care for her son. Over time, she begins to wonder if motherhood is enough to fulfill her desires and dreams. As a dog, Nightbitch can express her desires in a way that isn’t possible for a human, raising fascinating questions regarding society’s impossible demands on the modern mother.

Our Last Days in Barcelona by Chanel Cleeton—🌟🌟🌟🌟1/2

You really can’t go wrong with reading Chanel Cleeton. Her latest book, set in Spain, brings back her character Isabel Perez and her sister Beatriz. If you haven’t read the rest of the series, you could pick this up and read it as a stand alone. I love Cleeton’s work because I always fall in love with the characters while also learning something about history.

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune—🌟🌟🌟🌟

I started this several months ago but returned it to the library after the second chapter, but when my book club selected it for June I decided to give it another chance. Most of the Woebies (my pet name for my book club) gave this book 9-10 stars (we rate out of ten). I gave it 7. The plot is mostly predictable, but it does have the potential for great discussion about racism/classism/ageism/differentism. I was disappointed in the writing style; it felt too juvenile, and I never really felt like he dug deep enough with the characters.

Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell—🌟🌟🌟

July’s book club selection, I just finished this last week. I had no idea it was nonfiction when I first started reading, so I had to re-read the first three chapters when I discovered it was fact, not fiction. I may have liked this one a bit more if I hadn’t read any other nonfiction about presidents. It felt like I was reading large lists of presidential assassination trivia. The third section about President McKinley and Teddy Roosevelt was probably the best section. I’m sad I’ll miss book club when they talk about this one, because I think my opinion of it may change after discussion. All in all, it’s a decently written, mostly fun nonfiction book to help you keep learning this summer.

The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams—🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is another book I cannot stop thinking about. When I grabbed it off the shelf at Costco on a whim, I thought I would be reading about words and dictionaries, but The Dictionary of Lost Words is about so much more. The main character, Esme, is the daughter of a word collector, who is putting together the very first collective dictionary. She begins to discover words that aren’t included in the dictionary, and begins to wonder why women are cast aside when it comes to the words that matter. If you choose any book from this list to read this summer, I hope it’s this one.

Meant to Be by Emily Giffin—🌟🌟🌟

I’m a huge Emily Giffin fangirl, and if I ever have the chance to meet her in person, I hope she has time for a long chat over her favorite drink. A lawyer turned novelist who lives in Atlanta, she is one of my greatest role models. Giffin can always be counted on for a fun read, and Meant to Be was exactly that. It is not her best work (sorry Emily, I still love you) but it is a fascinating story that contemplates the question of “What if history was different”? I devoured it in less than 48 hours, and it is the perfect addition to your beach bag.

Summer Breakdown by Colleen Temple—🌟🌟🌟

I was SO excited to read this debut novel by my friend Colleen. She worked SO hard on birthing this book baby, and I am so very proud of her for going the distance. This is a fantastic book for anyone struggling with motherhood, with what it means to be a daughter, what it means to be a wife, or what it means to be a woman in the midst of all of those other things. Set in the North Shore of Massachusetts, I loved the locality and could really picture the scenes as they happened. It would make a fantastic movie set in the scenic town of Newburyport.

Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton—🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I fell in love with Edith Wharton last year when I visited her Massachusetts home, The Mount. We vacationed in the Berkshire Mountains at the end of June, so I had to bring along my copy of Ethan Frome, set in a fictional town in the Berkshires. As we drove around and experienced the small towns of Pittsfield, North Adams and Cheshire, Wharton’s characters came to life in my mind. I could really picture what life was like in these small towns many years ago. Wharton’s books tend to be very short and lightweight, so they are great for weekend road trips.

The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles—🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

A Book of the Month selection that has remained on my shelf unread since I got it a year ago; July felt like the right time to dig in. I haven’t quite finished this book, but I am loving every single page of it, so I’m rating it prematurely. Each character in The Lincoln Highway is flawed, yet Towles somehow makes you fall in love with each one of them. I find myself cheering them on, even though what they are doing is definitely dumb—and quite possibly illegal. Every page is part of an incredible journey; it may be 500+ pages, but it feels easy to read. I hardly want to put it down.

I also started but abandoned Six Walks, Wicked, The School for Good Mothers, Her Hidden Genius, and Portrait of a Thief. That doesn’t mean I won’t return to them at some later date, but I just wasn’t feeling their magic this go round.

What I’m Reading Next

A Splendid Ruin by Megan Chance

My latest Audible listen, A Splendid Ruin is about the San Francisco earthquake of 1906. The main character—who has not a penny to her name—goes to live with her very wealthy family in San Francisco after her mother dies. I’m just barely into the story, but there’s a spooky vibe that I’m really enjoying.

Razorblade Tears by S.A. Cosby

Razorblade Tears has been recommended to me so many times I was thrilled to finally pick up a copy from the library. Even the librarian, when I picked it up, commented on what a great book it is. “It’s heart-wrenching, though” she said; “make sure you have some tissues.” The combination of race-relations as well as LGBTQ characters promises to make this an unforgettable read.

Take My Hand by Dolen Perkins-Valdez

This was my Book of the Month selection for May, and I intended on reading it right away but life got really busy and I didn’t read much at all during May. I’m hoping to pick it up when I finish The Lincoln Highway and Razorblade Tears. This is an important book for women, especially in light of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding abortion. I’m prepared for it to tear me apart.

The Widows of Malabar Hill by Sujata Massey

When this book showed up on MMD’s Summer Reading List for the second time, I decided this might be the year I actually read it. It’s about a women lawyer in India in the 1920s, so I’m not sure why I haven’t read it before now. I’m especially excited about the recipes in the back of the paperback I snagged from the thrift store a year or so ago.

The Cartographers by Peng Shepherd

Another book that has been recommended to me over and over again, The Cartographers feels like the perfect mid-summer read. A little mystery, a little thriller, a little magic all tied into one story about people and maps. I’m looking forward to this one later this month.

A Little Hope by Ethan Joella

I chose this from Book of the Month because it’s set in a small town in Connecticut. Even though New England mostly feels like home after six and a half years, it still feels so foreign at times. This is not a very long book, so it will make for great road trip reading when we head south later this month. From the description, I get a little of an Ethan Frome feel, so I’m excited to give it a go.

A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

This one may be pushed back to my very late Summer/Early Fall reading list simply because it feels dense. A Place for Us gets incredible reviews by anyone who has read it, but the small print has scared me away from it so far. It’s another book that showed up on MMD’s summer list for the second time, so it feels like an important book to read some time this year.

Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

When a writing friend told me they devoured this book in a day, then I saw it on sale at Target, I couldn’t resist grabbing a copy. With cooking shows being my very favorite thing to watch on TV, this book feels like it’s written just for me.

The Baby on the Fire Escape by Julie Philips

I have no idea how I first discovered this book, but I immediately put a hold on it at the library. I was three sentences into reading the library copy last week, when I ordered my own copy to highlight, write in, and book dart. It’s all about mothering and creating and I just can’t wait to read it. It’s not my typical summer read, but I think it’ll be a great book to take with me on my solo writing workshop week.

Finding Freedom by Erin French

Another one that isn’t my typical summer read, Finding Freedom looks like great research for my own memoir that I am very slowly in the process of writing. It’s about a chef who falls in love with food while living on a farm and later finds her calling in a professional kitchen—what’s not to love about that?

Not that I need to add anything to my list, but what are you reading this summer?!

By the way, you can find all the books listed here in my Summer Reading Bookshop List. All links are affiliate links, which means if you buy a book, I’ll get a few pennies. After a few people buy a few books, I can buy myself a coffee!

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All the Permission I Need

It’s Sunday morning. Father’s Day. My oldest has a dance recital at 3pm and I have the day planned out. She has to arrive at noon, with makeup and hair complete. At 9:30am, my Mom (who’s visiting from Georgia), my daughter, and I head to the local bookstore to grab a gift for her dance teachers. I know what I want, I just haven’t had time to shop this last week. I made homemade loose leaf tea, with dried strawberry tops, rose petals, tulsi basil, and mint and I want to include a tea strainer, a candle and a small bar of chocolate. After their busy year of teaching, the gift I most want to give is that of relaxation.

When I arrive home at 10:00, I find my youngest lying on the couch in front of the TV. Daniel Tiger is meeting Baby Margaret for the very first time. At almost eight-years-old, she only watches Daniel Tiger when she doesn’t feel well, so I know something’s up. “Are you okay?” I walk into the sunroom and feel her forehead. She doesn’t have a temperature, but I can tell from her eyes something is wrong.

“My ear hurts. Really bad,” she says, pushing tears away with her tiny fingers.

“On a scale of 1-10, how bad?” I ask. She raises her two hands and shows me eight fingers. This is my kid with high pain tolerance, so if she’s saying eight I know it must be bad. “I’ll call the doctor,” I say, grateful that our pediatrician has weekend hours. “Maybe they can see you before they close at noon.”

The nurse tells me they have an opening at 11:00.  I glance at the clock. It’s 10:20 now. One hour to get her sister ready and feed her lunch before we leave to get to the theater on time. “Can Daddy take you to the doctor?” She shakes her head no.  Sobs start heaving from her chest. “Okay,” I say gently, before calling to her sister in the other room. “Let’s do your hair and makeup real fast; I need to take your sister to the doctor.”

I race up the stairs with her trailing close behind. She wets her hair in the shower. I hastily grab her hair and makeup supplies. When I start brushing her hair, she says, “Don’t rush, Mama!” reminding me that trying to make a perfect bun in a rush never turns out well.  I take a deep breath and try to slow my spinning mind. I finish her bun and check the time. 10:45. It takes 5 minutes to get to the doctor’s office.

“I can start your makeup, but can Gramma do your eyes?” I’m grateful my Mom is here today; happy to let her take on some responsibilities. I rub foundation into her ivory cheeks and notice huge crocodile tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“Can’t Daddy take her?” she quietly asks. Hair and makeup has become a sacred ritual between us on dance performance days. She’s promised she’ll always let me help her, no matter how old she gets. I’m heartbroken to be pulled in two today.

“Would you want Daddy to take you to the doctor if you didn’t feel well?” Doing my best to keep my voice steady, I put my finger under her chin and tilt her head up to look her in the eye.

“No,” she says. “I guess not.”

“If I take her now, I should be home in no time. Don’t cry, or your makeup will run.” My stomach churns. She’s always anxious before performances. I want her to feel confident today, not disappointed or sad. Catching sight of the time—10:52—I stay positive. “Let’s see how much I can do before I have to leave.” Trying to stay calm, I apply blush and begin the work on her smokey eye. At 10:55, I tell her to let Gramma do her mascara, ask my mom to help pack her bag, and rush her sister out the door.

The doctor sees us as soon as we arrive. After a quick glance in both ears, she diagnoses a double ear infection and calls a prescription in. “Her sister has a dance recital today,” I say; “Is she okay to attend?” The doctor nods, informs us it’s not contagious, and sends us on our way.

Walking to the car from the doctor’s office, I text my husband. “Feed her lunch. I’ll be home in five minutes to finish her makeup.” When I get home, I apply a final coat of mascara and spray another round of hairspray. My mom did a fantastic job, but I can’t help but want to put on the final touches. I drop her at the theater. Then send my husband to pick up the prescription while I fix myself lunch. 

An hour after the recital begins, I notice my youngest holding her ears. “The music is too loud,” she says; “it hurts my ears.” Looking at my watch, I realize the ibuprofen I gave her earlier has just worn off. Of course I didn’t bring any with me. I ask her if she wants to slip outside for a bit, but she shakes her head no. She loves watching her sister dance and doesn’t want to miss a beat.

We make it to intermission before she breaks down into tears. “I just want to go home,” she cries. We’ve come to the car to get away from the sound. There’s probably just over an hour left in the recital, but she can’t bear to stay any longer. 

“I can take you home, but I have to come back to pick them up.” I wipe tears from her eyes and tell her I’m sorry she feels bad. “Is that okay?” She nods her head and buckles her seatbelt. Grateful that we only live twelve minutes away, I text my husband to tell him I’ve left my purse in the theater and I’ll be back to pick them up. 

“Okay; be safe. Make her a snack.” I drive home, careful to obey the speed limit. Once we arrive, I have her put on pajamas while I prepare another dose of medicine. I give her a bowl of canned peaches and a sleeve of saltines, and help her snuggle under a blanket on the couch. 

“Can I watch Doc McStuffins?” she asks. 

“Sure. Daddy just texted there are only four dances left. We’ll be home in less than an hour.” I tell her to message me on her iPad if she needs anything, kiss her forehead, and race out the door. Devastated that I missed my oldest’s final dance, I get back to the theater just in time to catch the curtain call.

Three days later, I’m sitting at the table with my husband eating lunch. We just dropped my mom off at the airport and I’m making a list of what needs to be done before we leave for vacation in two days. “One kid wants me to take her to the craft store. I have three writing deadlines to meet. Both girls have haircuts, one has gymnastics, and my book club meets tomorrow night.” I spit it all out with barely a breath in between.

 “You love book club!” He looks at me and smiles. 

 “I do, but I feel like there are too many demands on my time.” I take a few bites of my salad, thrown together with leftovers from last night. “Sunday about killed me. I am exhausted. So much happened. Everyone needed me. Now my Mom has gone back to Georgia. The to-do list is a mile long. I’m sad. I haven’t written in days. I’ve been going through the motions and haven’t stopped to allow myself to feel.”

 He looks at me with crystalline eyes, unsure of what to say. In his silence, I continue. “If I got paid for my writing work, I would go in my office, shut the door, and meet my deadlines, right?” He nods his head. It is all the permission I need to leave dirty dishes all over the counter, send the kids outside and the puppy downstairs, make a cup of iced coffee and seclude myself for the afternoon.

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Permission Slip".